Parent-Child Relationship

Vijai Pawar

Natural Healing Advisor

11:39 AM | 17-02-2020

Today, the skillful use of praise and criticism to smooth parent-child relationships and increase harmony in the home seems more important than ever. Parents need not waste energy on crisis and confrontation that might have been avoided with more adept handling.


Haim Ginott, author of "Between Parent and Child" and "Between Parents and teenagers", defines the goal of all criticism as the solution of a particular problem. Criticism that doesn't accomplish this goal has failed as a tool in family management and should be improved.
In his book, Dr. Ginott insists that the following three rules are important when we criticize:

  • Don't attack personally attributes
  • Don't criticise character traits
  • Deal with the situation at hand

A friend whose son had a mishap with a ballpoint pen followed these rules with good results. Somehow, black permanent ink showed up one day, first on his shirt and jeans, then on the living room sofa. Such apparent carelessness at first made her very upset. How could her son not know the pen in his pocket was leaking? Yet, the deed was done. And as she saw him unashamedly scrubbing the sofa, her annoyance subsided.
"Maybe, I can get a stain remover for that sofa", she heard herself say mildly. "Guess, you 'I'll have to save that outfit for fishing '. She didn't miss his grateful relieved grin. A thoroughly unhappy time was avoided when she kept her attention on the situation on hand. Handled by wise parents, only things had been marred, not her child's esteem.


The exercise in self-control was not easy, as the mother was quick to admit. The temptation to label her son "careless" was overwhelming. Yet a child 's concern is apt to be different from an adult Neatness, the avoidance of mishaps is something he learns as he grows up. Labelling would be not only false but insulting. No one wants to be labelled for life as a "bad driver" because of a mishap behind the wheel, or a "careless cook" because dinner gets too well browned.


How do we criticize effectively when criticism seems needed?


Criticism should be thought of as a correctional tool employed as unemotionally as a good coach provides advice to the pitcher taking the mould. It doesn't deal in personalities. It doesn't use recriminations. It criticises privately, discussing the act, not the person.
The test of effective criticism is whether or not it has positive results, providing the guidance needed to keep a young man on course.
1. Criticize in private. To do otherwise means loss of face perhaps cancelling the value of correction.
2. Preface criticism with praise or a kind word in this spirit we acknowledge the child 's efforts to do chores well, his or her usual record of being on time, good report cards in the past. This sets the stage for our son's or daughter 's acceptance of our loving suggestion for improvement instead of a defence against attack.
3. Keep critical comments impersonal, directed at the act, not the person.
4. Don't expect change to be immediate some times, especially with teens; a little lapse can be overlooked while a youngster changes gears and is ready to accept our criticism.
5. Tell the child how to do it right. Avoid over-emphasizing the mistake by concentrating on how performance can be improved.
6. Use good manners. Ask for cooperation, don't demand it. An implied "let's work this out together" is most effective.
7. Criticize an offense only once otherwise it becomes nagging. It's better to clearly state what needs improvement, as the coach corrects the pitcher, then forget about it.
8. Finish the session on a loving note. Just as its best to begin with a morale boost, end up in a positive fashion showing faith in a child 's willingness and ability to comply.

(V.S.Pawar - Member Indian Institute of Natural Therapeutics, 1980)

 

Help Vote (4)
Comments (0)


Disclaimer: The health journeys, blogs, videos and all other content on Wellcure is for educational purposes only and is not to be considered a ‘medical advice’ ‘prescription’ or a ‘cure’ for diseases. Any specific changes by users, in medication, food & lifestyle, must be done under the guidance of licensed health practitioners. The views expressed by the users are their personal views and Wellcure claims no responsibility for them.


Related Post

Digital Detox - Why & How To Do It?

With the influx of gadgets, the convergence of technologies and overlo...

Tension, anxiety and depression - Deal with i...

NO Tranquilizers, please Consider today"s scenario, it is well nigh...

Weight loss or Self-love, What are we seeking...

In the age of Instagram. we want to look good every moment so that the...

How Mental Disorders are formed

What is a mental disorder? Mental Disorder is a disease at the mind...

The Magical Power of Blessings - Part 1.

Unhappy with your circumstances or the people around you? Facing diffi...

The magical power of blessings, Case studies ...

In Part 1 of the blog on blessings, I shared with you information on W...

Natural Ways to Quit Smoking-This Cancer Day ...

Readers will remember the remarks of MARK TWAIN when the cigar-smoking...

Anger โ€“ The Continuum from Procreative to D...

It is common sense that the root cause of anger lies in disappointment...

Consciousness & Health

There is a direct relationship between consciousness and health. The l...

Memory Loss or Dementia

Unless there is physical damage or fault in our brain, there is nothin...

Music therapy - An effective way to manage st...

Listening to a song or a music instrument does wonder in a stressful s...

Conquer Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Nat...

As the winter season begins with a bit of holiday cheer, many people f...

Balancing ADHD with Mother Nature

ADHD is one of the most prevalent chronic mental health conditions aff...

Part 1 - The Art of Surrendering

How many times have you made plans, predictions or tried to control si...

Part 2 - Preparing oneself for the art of sur...

In part1 of this series on the Art of surrendering, we understood the ...

New Age Stressors that Bother You and How to ...

Are you afraid that you are going to be alone forever in life? Do you ...

Part 3 โ€“ How to practice the art of surrend...

In part1 we learnt the meaning of surrendering with examples. In part2...

How to Manage Your Emotions at Workplace for ...

We all go through different emotions while working in the office. At t...

Parent-Child Relationship

Today the skillful use of praise and criticism to smooth parent child ...

Anxiety in Children

What is anxiety? The word ‘anxiety" is commonly associated wi...

Manage Anxiety & Insomnia - 7 day Online Prog...

Are you ready to reduce your stress levels, put an end to middle-of-th...

Inner Child Therapy: Let us breathe freely

Remember those days when we were dancing in the rains and our mothers ...

Anxiety Relief E-Learning Course

Break-Free From Anxiety Through Yogic Practices. Attain A Happy State ...

3 Golden Rules To Get Along Well With People

No man is an island and it is well established that we are social...

Live Better With Increased Sense & Sensitivit...

Sensitivity is a survival trait that lets you be more observant, see t...

Can Your Feelings About Sex & Sexuality Impac...

Sex is the very act that created us. Something that creates life is d...

Mental Wellbeing Through Nature Cure | By Dr....

A Program For Overcoming Mental Disorders With Nature Cure BOOK NOW...

How Does Health Of Your Organs Affect Your Em...

(From the book THE ASTHMA CURE by Tarika Ahuja) Macrobiotics is a s...

The Art Of Living Well & Being 'Truly' Fine

What is the most common response when people ask each other ‘how...

Here's What You Need To Know About Mental Hea...

What Is Mental Health? Mental is an adjective that comes from mind, so...

COVID-19 Pandemic - Making The Best Of The Wo...

The global health crisis brought on to us by the COVID-19 virus has ma...