12:36 PM | 16-03-2020

I'm married since 3 years still can't have vaginal sex due to fear what to do??

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4 Answers

03:41 PM | 11-03-2020

Hello User,

We can completely understand and empathize with your state, vaginismus is a condition where our vagina goes under passive spasm due to fear of it. This state can be due to functional problem like our vagina having an obstruction and in your case as you have mentioned psychological.

To start with it is completely normal to have a fear of pain so allow yourself to be okay and let us start with treating the stress first. Vaginismus can be very well dealt in a natural manner. With you and your partner both ready to contribute to it and we will surely solve the problem.

As it is a chronic problem now when treated with a healthy diet, exercise meditation and modulating your sleep cycle we can treat the fear and stress coming with this problem.

The following tips will be helpful.


Start the day with two-three glasses of warm water, this will help in flushing out the toxins and improve the state of metabolism by increasing it. The next thing is the inclusion of vegetable juice in your breakfast as this will help in giving the right amount of energy for the day. Keep at least two hours gap between your food and your sleep timing at night. You can also choose to have vegetable juice in your breakfast, it is an easier way to absorb all the nutrients.

Walnuts, nutmeg, bananas, watermelon are used to increase sexual desire in women when we will have the desire our hormones send the signals to our reproductive system in dilating the vagina which helps in treating vaginismus which contracts the pelvic floor. These are some natural treatment to boost it.


  • Taking a brisk walk in the early morning sun rays helps in treating all the problems, as the sun helps in treating the mood and freshens us for the whole day, it stimulates our system and strengthens our immunity. An early morning walk is recommended.
  • Kegel exercise should be practised 3 times a day, an hour gap should be maintained between meals and kegel exercise. This will strengthen your pelvic floor muscle and allow it to easily dilate when needed.
  • Suryanamaskar will help in treating the health issues and will help in dealing with all problems, 12 sets a day is recommended. If you are a beginner start with 6 and increase it.


Stop using the gadget an hour before sleep, you can use a fragrant diffuser where you can use essential oils and then with the smell itself you will start feeling calm. Rosemary and lavender oil will be helpful.

Take 10 long deep breaths, and allow your body to relax, any thought which comes, let it go do not resist. Say the affirmation, "I am healthy and happy" with each breath. This will help in curbing all your issues even in the long run.

Take pelvic massage, take a mixture of one tablespoon coconut and 7-8 drops of rose essential oil which helps in dealing with stress and increase blood circulation in the area.

Communicating with people you trust will help a lot in treating the problem. Make your partner your strength in dealing with situations like this, it is you and him both in it together. Go for morning walks together which will help in building your relationship more. Go for a holiday to treat the stress, confide in each other.


The sleep is a very important part of treating any mental symptom, a sleep cycle of 90 minutes should be completed in order to get a sound body. This sleep cycle should be repeated 5 times. This makes 7-8 hours of healthy sleep. This will make your body and mind strong and refreshing. Make sure your room is gadget-free an hour before sleep.

Hopefully, these suggestions will help.

Thank you.

08:17 PM | 17-03-2020


  • Fear of vaginal sex or sexual intimacy is called Genophobia. 
  • It's a condition of aversion or dislike. It occurs vaginismus, any past sexual abuse or PTSD or any psychological discomfort which leads to avoiding intimacy.
  • To get rid of this problem you have to openly talk with your partner or go for psychological counseling. 
  • Discuss it with your life partner and use lubricants.
  • Do some pelvic floor strengthening exercises. 
  • Squeeze the vaginal muscles and hold for 5-10 counts then relax do it for 3-5 times. 
  • Do butterfly exercises or kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic muscles. 
  • Take a neutral hip bath or sitz bath which helps to tone the genital muscles. 


08:13 PM | 17-03-2020

Mam, It's quite natural for any newly-wed for this to happen. However, to be physically ok with anything, you must be in love with your husband,  mentally okay with his ways, be in agreement mutually about how the relationship will go until you are ready. Meanwhile, you must at least try to look for ways to address the fear. Genophobia or coitophobia is the physical or psychological fear of sexual relations or sexual intercourse. This can stem from a bad initial experience or forceful entry or any other reasons. It can also be triggered by acidosis in the body.


  • Discuss the issue with your husband and handle this fear mutually and slowly.
  • While you both are working on removing the fear, be open for changes.
  • Find reasons to appreciate and feel grateful for your relationship.


  • To a large extent as you switch towards positive diets that have life in them like fruits, vegetables, and greens in its raw state, your inside will get cleaned and you will become more positive, less fearful, More in love with your spouse and your body. The more raw the better it is.
  • Hydrate the body with juices and water 3-4 liters daily without any sugar/jaggery.
  • Walk barefoot on the grass appreciating nature's creation.
  • Sit/walk when the morning sun is mild for 30 mins.
  • Avoid dairy, meat, eggs, fish in all forms at all costs. These create miscommunication in your body by making the body acidic.
  • Practice Yoga and pranayama and DO NOT lead a sedentary lifestyle.

Stay blessed

Smitha Hemadri (Holistic lifestyle coach)

12:44 AM | 15-03-2020

Fear of what? You need to discuss it openly with your partner. Maybe you can use a lubricant for the first few times and later on discontinue it once you are confident. Spend more time in each other's company. It is just an expression of love, let it happen naturally

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